I started writing this a week ago. Since then, the world is a different place. The hearts of many were stopped at the hands of someone who we know little about, someone who knew little about the hundreds he wounded, or killed. The hearts of thousands more are now beating heavy with the grief off unnecessary and incomprehensible loss that will follow them in and out of consciousness until they take their last breath. And the world mourns, and shakes, and sobs. And so many remain silent.
I am sick. I am devastated. I am confused. I am heartbroken. I am scared. I am ANGRY. I feel helpless. I imagine most of you are right there with me.
What I was writing about last week was trying to find my inner truth. And now, in the wake of mass destruction, it seems on the one hand so selfish and inappropriate to talk about, but on the other hand it seems like talking about this is also talking about where the core of many problems in the world lie.
It is in times like this I retreat within. Tapping into my consciousness and meditating, just being present in this moment Recognizing the deep burn of sorrow as an appropriate emotion to have, and letting my tears fall as needed. Trying to recognize my feelings and my state of being in each moment. For that is all we are ever guaranteed. I can't help but wonder if everyone tried tapping into their consciousness on a regular basis, and lived for the present moment, what type of world we would live in?
I am not disregarding the seriousness, and complications, that come with having a mental illness, a chemical imbalance or any other disease or injury that effects the brain. I understand these are prevalent and very real and on many levels distort a persons concept of reality, ability to communicate properly (or at all), ability to process emotions and take a pause before reacting, they can cause deep states of depression, perhaps be treated with medications that cause other side effects, the list is long. The reality is that there are so many people who live with these afflictions of the brain, and for them, their suffering may be their truth. They may not have the luxury of reading a book about how to calm the brain, or the ability to sit in meditation and mindfulness or perhaps even comprehend the meaning of those words and what they do if practiced.
I dont have answers for why some people commit heinous acts that shatter the hearts of loved ones and forever change lives of those left to go on living without their loves.
I do believe, if all of us who are mentally capable, practice mindfulness, practice being present in this moment, practice taking a deep breath before we say or do something out of emotion, if we are able to separate the true energy of our being from our thoughts and emotions even for seconds throughout our day; if we do these things I believe we are all able to better help one another, to recognize the struggle, and to perhaps better help those who's brains do not allow for them the privileges our healthier minds offer us.
I believe that kindness and truth and pure love reside in mindfulness. And I do believe these things can greatly change our world.
I am currently reading the Yamas & Niyamas of Patanjali's Sutras, and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Both of these texts are brilliant, and have opened my heart and mind. If you are on your own path seeking your truth, I recommend both of these, and any work or video interview by Master Eckhart.
My eyes burn and my heart slows to a deep dull thud when I think of the ripple of pain one person has caused to thousands of living souls, and the life he stole from 58 others. I hope one day Love will truly find a way to break the evil that resides in some.
I hope you enjoy your present moments, the only moments we truly have. Sending love.